My work day ends early on Bellydancing night. I have to do my studio work and get my blogging done by 4:45 so I have time to change my clothes and leave at 5:00.
There are always things left undone, but I’m learning to think of them as things that I will do tomorrow instead. Bending and stretching time is not something I know how to do.
All of this used to me make me very anxious.
I’ve been working on it for years, this idea of not having enough time. As far as I can remember it has plagued me since I was in school, responsible for doing my homework.
A few years ago I came up with the mantra, “I have an endless river of time before me.” I would repeat the words to myself as I meditated and pictured that winding river that went on forever.
Maybe it helped. I don’t know for sure, I do know I kept working on it. And it was just last month that Jon suggested I write the words “I have enough time” on a piece of paper.
So I did. I put the paper on the dining room table and every time I sat down to eat I would see it.
I think that helped too.
But I can’t say it was just one thing. I imagine it was the years of work I did, in therapy and on my own, piled on top of each other that finally pushed me over the edge on this particular anxiety.
When I am done writing this, I will post a picture of my Zip Potholders that are for sale in my Etsy Shop. I will not be posting the picture of the new Shawl that Suzy sent me (as excited as I am to do that) I will wait till tomorrow.
And, as I am finding out, that is okay.
I don’t have to work up till the last minute to get my work done. I don’t have to fill in every moment of my day with work. I’ve discovered that its just the kind of thing that actually contributes to my anxiety. This behavior reinforces the belief that I never have enough time to do everything that needs to be done.
It’s not that there isn’t enough time. It’s that I don’t actually have to do every single thing I think of. Some things can wait and other things probably don’t really need to be done at all.
But I’m the one who gets to decide that. And as for the voice in my head telling me otherwise. Well, that’s my voice too and I can choose not to listen to it.
I bet eventually it, like my anxiety, will go away too.