Back To The Orphaned Woods

Since nothing, absolutely nothing was happening in my studio, I decided to go for a walk in the woods.

But I didn’t want to go on my neighbor’s path that I’ve been walking lately.   I needed to get off the path and into the woods. I was craving wandering without knowing exactly where I was going.

I wanted to go to The Orphaned Woods.

I hadn’t been to the woods behind the farm since the grasses and bushes grew so tall I couldn’t get through them early in the summer.  This year I didn’t mow a path as I had the past couple of years.  To get from the farm to the woods, I’d have to hack my way through the tall grasses and bushes while getting covered in ticks at the same time.

So I loaded Fate and Zinnia into my car and drove to the path that would take me to the woods that connects to The Orphaned Woods.

As if in affirmation, as soon as I stepped off the path into the woods, I saw the Barred Owl flying from one tree to another. Then I saw the bird, which I think was a bluejay, chasing it. I watched for a while, as the blue jay squawked and the owl silently moved out of its way, without giving up ground.

When the owl vanished from my view, we headed up the hill towards the Orphaned Woods.

“I missed you”, I said out loud as I stepped over the stone wall into the woods, my heart softening.

I visited the Big Old Hickory and the Maple with the broken branch. I squatted down to get a close look at the many mushrooms with taking a picture of them. Zinnia splashed through the small pond created when a Shagbark Hickory uprooted last summer.

Fate led the way back to the farm, but I called the dogs back as the bushes started to get thick. We had to go home the way we came.

The woods get by fine without my visits.  I had the feeling they had to adjust to my coming back.  Or maybe it’s that I felt as if I were a bit of a stranger.  Because I didn’t get to see the gradual changes that the summer brings, a part of me expected the woods to look as I last saw them in the late spring.

Now that I’ve been, I know I’ll want to go back again before the path from the farm is clear enough for me to walk it.

Wandering those woods was just what I needed to bring myself back.  To empty my mind of the voices and ideas that have been lodged there.  I think mostly that what I let go of was my own expectations of myself and what I should be doing.

Jon calls it recharging the creative self.

That’s a good way of thinking about it.  A letting go, so I can start again.

Fate drinking from the little pond made by the uprooted hickory tree.

In The Circle Of Hickories

My feet in the snow my face to the sky, within a circle of Shagbark Hickories. And as I stood, gazing up, lost in the tangle of branches, I barely felt the speck of mist touch my face.  I hardly thought of it till it happened again.

And then again.

Now I saw a drop coming towards me. Some seconds later, one hit a branch on its way down, splattering into many drops, one of them landing on my upturned face, dissolving the moment it touched me.

On its way down from where I wondered.

I looked around me but it wasn’t raining. Not even a drizzle.

Then I looked down at my feet and saw the ground was speckled with crumbs.  That’s what it looked like, the stuff left over after eating.  And those crumbs stained the snow pale browns and deep yellows, even some specks of burnt orange.

Was I being rained on, pissed on, or spit on.  Someone had dropped all those “crumbs” coloring the snow.  They were probably dropping something similar on me now.

I looked up again, to see what I could see. I saw the thick scales of the Shagbark hickory and the thinner ones of the smaller trees.  The craggy arms of the high branches reaching around each other.  And the tiny tips of the branches like veins in the spaces between them.

A drop of water, as light as a snowflake, ticked the ridge of my nose.

I decided to move on, content to wonder.

 

Something Old, Something New. Visiting The Clark Museum With Emily

“These are two of my favorites,” Emily said.  We were standing in front of John Singer Sargent’s paintings, A Street In Venice, and Smoke of Ambergris.  They are also two of the paintings I always visit when I’m at The Clark Museum.

I get lost in the white robe and background of the woman in Smoke of Ambergris.  I feel like I could look at that painting all day, taking in all the colors that make up the white in it.  I’m also drawn to the subtle texture of the brushstrokes, how they meet, one color pushing against the other so the line distinguishing them is lost.

Smoke of Ambergris by John Singer Sargent

Not surprisingly, Emily’s and my taste in art overlapped more often than not.  We both liked the collage-like look of the modernist Japanese Woodcuts.  And we breezed through the Renior gallery only stopping at a still life of apples.

But when Emily made her way to the gallery filled with porcelain, I was doubtful.   Honestly, I don’t believe I ever looked at the small ceramic cups, plates, and teapots before.

But her enthusiasm sucked me in.  For the first time, I was actually seeing the delicate cups and saucers and experiencing their beauty in a way I had either missed or just never noticed before. The dinner plate painted with moths was obviously something I’d like, but it was the small teacup with the tiny woman’s head poking up from the handle that really caught my attention.  It was so strange and made me wonder about not only the person who made it, but who would have drunk from it from 300 years ago.

It was when I got home and was walking in the woods that I realized I walk through museums much the same way I walk in the woods.

In terms of how I “see” anyway.  In the woods, I also visit certain trees or places,  just as I visit certain paintings or sculptures in museums I know well.  But I don’t limit myself to those pieces, I’m always also looking for something new.  Whether it’s never been in the museum or woods before or it’s been there all along and I just didn’t see it.

Of course, the woods are constantly changing while museums can be somewhat more static.  But I visit the Old Shagbark Hickory the same way I visit the Sargent paintings at The Clark.  I expect them to be there.

Today’s Porceline Gallery in the woods came at the end of my walk when I scared the ducks out of the marsh and watched as they flew away.  That made me stop long enough to see the footprints in the snow-covered ice on the pond.

The triangular duck feet, some with drag marks linking the shapes together and others, individual marks that mimicked the duck’s waddle. And then there were the giant chicken feet.  That was my first thought, but it only took me a moment to realize they were the tracks of a heron.

All the footprints headed in the same direction, making their way over the ice from one small circle of water to the other. Not only did the marks make a lovely drawing in snow, but they told a story too.  And one easier to understand than the small head on the porcelain cup.

Emily and I agreed we’d be going to another museum soon or maybe we’ll take a snowshoe in the woods.  Either way, we’re sure to see things we both appreciate or discover something new.

Duck and Heron footprints on the ice.

 

The Constantly Changing Orphaned Woods

 

If Zinnia were with us she would have jumped into the little pond the uprooted Shagbark Hickory made.  But since she had a bad stomach from the from whatever she ate in the woods on our last walk,  I thought it best to leave her home and let her recover.

I visit the toppled Shagbark Hickory whenever I’m in The Orphaned Woods to see how it changes with time and the seasons.  Today, the little pond finally started to freeze over. This also allowed me to see how the earth surrounding the tree roots is dropping to the ground, or in this case onto the ice.

Over time, I’ll be able to witness more and more of the root system as it’s exposed.

I was trying to remember what the fallen tree looked like the first time I saw it.  When I looked back on my blog for a photo of it, I was so surprised  how different it looked in the summer.  Surrounded by green, it seems a whole other place.

I could also see how the tree is laying just about parallel to the ground now and the root ball is standing straight up, not leaning over like it was when the tree first came down.

Spending time in the Orphaned Woods and seeing the constant changes that occur there has helped to make me more accepting of the less desirable changes that occur in my life.

There is no lamenting in the woods.  But there is plenty of adapting for the new growth that comes with the changes.

The Shagbark Hickory when It first fell in the summer with Zinnia heading for the water.

 

Back Into The Orphaned Woods

“The modern world worships the idea of the self, the individual, but it is a gilded cage: there is another kind of freedom in becoming absorbed in the little life on the land.” from Pastoral Song by James Rebanks

Overcast and breezy, wearing long sleeves and socks, I made my way back to The Orphaned Woods. The mosquitos are gone, the mud drying, and the tall grasses tickle instead of tug at me as they did in the damp heat a couple of weeks ago.

A wildflower that I’ve never seen before greets me just over the Gulley Bridge. Later I find out it’s a Turtlehead, traditionally used as a medicine for digestive issues.

Turtlehead

Over the fallen stones and into the woods, the footpath is overgrown and the  White Snakeroot blooming.  The earth is welcoming beneath my feet, and I breathe in the trees feeling once again that this is where I belong.

I look around me to see what has changed.

A dead branch, the size of a small tree has fallen on a tall thin Hickory, bending it to the ground.  I remove the branch and the hickory springs up reaching way over my head.  Still hunched from the experience, I push the thin tree with both hands and all my body weight, trying to straighten it.  I imagine it eventually finding its place again in the canopy.

A well-camouflaged Tree frog.  I only saw him because he hopped out of my way.

There are more fresh leaves on the forest floor than the last time I was here.  But also, hickory nuts in their bright green outer shells, deep red Hawthorn berries, and acorns in more shapes, sizes, and colors than I knew existed.

A Hawthorn berry

There are fewer and smaller mushrooms, but more puffballs. Textured yellow ones with long oval openings like a cartoon mouth, the spores cupped inside waiting to be released.

A tiny mushroom growing in a moss forest on a dead tree.

Since the fallen maple has blocked the path I’ve been walking for a couple of years, I’m finding new paths.  Mostly ones made by deer.  Fate leads the way, looking back to make sure I’m following her. The new path does not go by the little waterfall, or under the Japanese honeysuckle with the Robin’s nest.

So I’m becoming familiar with new places in the woods, finding new favorite spots to visit and watch as they change with the seasons. Although it’s still months away I can already picture the forest covered in the snow, the trees bare, the sky finding its way into the Orphaned Woods.

Zinnia found every bit of water and mud hole to run through. There’s still a little pool where the Shagbark Hickory uprooted in a windstorm.

The Orphaned Woods, After Days Of Rain

The stream is flowing right over the Gully Bridge.  My boots have a hole in them so my feet get wet, but the cool water feels good.  Over the bridge, mud sucks at my feet till I get to higher ground.

Moths flutter furiously like an early-winter snow flurry.  I can’t tell if I’m disturbing them or if they’re just constantly in motion.

My path to the little waterfall is blocked by the top branches and leaves of a maple tree that came down in the last windstorm.  It’s too hard to climb over, and I wonder if I will come back with a clipper and bow saw to clear it away or just make a new path.  So many trees are down, dead ones mostly.

I detour up the small hill and when I look up I’m faced with a dark archway of earth.

A Shagbark Hickory toppled over roots and all.  Where the tree once stood there is a depression in the earth with about six inches of crystal clear water in it.  I wade in the water to get a closer look at what used to be under the ground and is now visible.  Earth, rocks, roots, insects.  The mosquitos biting.

A small birch toppled over by the stream and I pulled it back up, hoping it will stay.   I wish I could do the same with the hickory.  I begin to wonder what it and the area around it will look like as the season’s change.

The uprooted Shagbark Hickory with Zinnia.

Mushrooms are everywhere.  I take a few pictures of the most interesting then spot the Indian Pipe.

This mushroom looks like coral to me.
I’ve never seen a black mushroom before.

Ghost pipe (also known as Indian pipe) isn’t a mushroom.  It’s a flower that gets its nutrients from the fungus in the ground instead of through photosynthesis. That’s why it’s white not green.

A close up the Ghost plant flower
I believe these are Ghost pipe seed pods.  But I may be wrong about that.

Fate led me out of the wood on a different path than usual.   The ground cover was low and I didn’t have to duck under the arch of the Japanese Honeysuckle.  This new way also took me past the Witch hazel tree which I’ve been watching with each season.  I now has the seed pods which will burst into little yellow flowers in the fall.

Witch hazel seed pods and leaves, with a Daddylongleg on them.

 

The Orphaned Woods: Black Cherry Tree

The snow in the Orphaned Woods is mostly melted now.  Although it lingers in long swaths and small patches of shadowed places.

The sun was bright and warm and the wind hadn’t kicked up yet, so I sat on the knee the old Maple tree offered.  The height of a low stool, the top of this massive root is almost flat.  I leaned back easily, my body taking up little space on the wide trunk.

A perfect seat in the woods.

I looked to see what the maple saw and immediately there was a flash to my left.

I knew it was a woodpecker, not because I could actually distinguish the shape or markings of the bird, it was too small and moving too fast, but by the way it flew.  A quick straight line interrupted by a jerky movement, that seemed to throw it off balance for a moment, then back to its swift forward streak.  A dash, dot, dash…

After it was gone from my sight, I turned my head, and it was a Black Cherry tree that greeted me next.

The Black Cherry Tree

I’ve been aware of the Black Cherry trees for some time.  It is the tree in the Orphaned Woods with the easiest bark to identify next to the Shagbark Hickory.

Rough oblong hunks of dark gray and black, scaly bark lift from the trunk.  The Black Cherry trees in The Orphaned Woods, both big and small, shoot straight up to the sky rarely forking before they reach the canopy.  They’re not thick like the old maple, the biggest maybe a foot in diameter.

And there are many small dead ones still standing, their bark falling off in clumps.

One of the dead Black Cherry Trees that I pass on my walk.  I took this picture just after a snowstorm.

There’s a small circle of two older and one younger Black Cherry trees on entering the Orphaned Woods

I like to stand in the middle of them, and reach my hands out touch two at a time.  I think of the roots connected to each other under my feet exchanging nutrients as Peter Wohlleben writes about in his book, The Hidden Life of Trees.  They “are perfectly capable of distinguishing their roots from the roots of other species…” he writes.

Wohlleben writes that trees are social beings and that helping each other, no matter the species, makes for a healthier forest which is better for all the trees growing there.  I like to imagine that I am part of their social circle and wonder if they can sense my energy as I lay my hands on their trunks.

Black Cherry trees also known as Wild Cherry trees, aren’t the same Cherry trees that produce the fruit we buy in the grocery store.  Their cherries are much small about 3/8″ and grow in clumps.  They can be used to make jelly or wine.

The Black Cherry trees that I know are all so tall, I’m not even sure I’d be able to see the fruit.  And I imagine they’d get eaten up quickly.  In the spring and late summer, I’ll bring my binoculars with me when I look for the drooping white flowers and fruit.

Black Cherry trees are native to North America.  And it’s from them that we get the cherry kitchen cabinets that were so popular some years ago.  According to my Audubon Field Guide, the wood was so valued it was one of the first trees brought to England, from the “New World… as early as 1625.

It was Zinnia who got me up from the knee of the Maple when she interrupted my meditation by bringing me a deteriorating deer skull.

“Thank you,” I said to her taking the skull from her mouth. I placed it on the fallen limb of the Maple, as Zinnia sniffed the air trying to figure out where it had gone.

Shortly after that, I walked through a low hanging curtain of grapevines into the forest that extends beyond the Orphaned Woods.  I was focused on finding more Black Cherry trees, while Zinnia and Fate scouted out more deer bones exposed by the melted snow.

The deer skull that Zinnia brought me.

The Owl Out My Window

I could tell by Fate’s bark that something was in the yard that wasn’t supposed to be.

First I looked out my studio window towards the barn.  I thought it might be the gray cat that looked into my studio window last week his big green eyes, looking directly into mine.

I walked away from the window when he did, not knowing what else to do.  Later I saw him go into the barn and haven’t seen him since, though I also haven’t stopped thinking of him.

But it wasn’t a cat I saw out my window today.

It was a small gray owl.  Her back was to me but her shape, even from behind, was indisputable.

I was stunned and awed.

I took a picture expecting her to fly away any moment.  But even as Fate continued to bark and I opened my studio door and climbed over the frozen gate, she didn’t move.

Even though there was no outward sign of injury, when I squatted down beside her and she didn’t even turn her head,  I knew for sure that she was hurt.

But I got a bit hopeful when I picked her up and her claws wrapped around my fingers.

I was in my early twenties when I worked in an Animal Hospital and learned that it’s a good sign when a sick bird can perch.

But once she was standing on my hand I didn’t know what to do.

I thought that maybe she had flown into something and she was just stunned.  Her one eye was mostly closed, but the other opened wide as I held her and she even turned her head a bit and stretched out a wing.

I was hoping she would just fly away.

When she didn’t I called Jon and we decided it was best to bring her in the house. Jon put Zinnia and Bud in their crates and I brought her into the bathroom, a small space where we could close the door in case she did try to fly.

Jon was immediately on the phone to our Vet who gave him the number of a Wildlife Rescue Group.

He texted them a photo of the owl and we were told to put her in a crate or box with something soft under her and keep it warm and dark.  The woman on the phone told us she was an Eastern Screech Owl.

A little while later we were on our way to Trish’s house in Saratoga Springs.  Trish is a Wildlife Rehabilitator, with North Country Wild Care and the best hope for the little owl.

But when we got to Trish’s and I looked in the box in the back seat, the owl was already dead.

Trish said she was probably hit by a car and had internal injuries.

I’ve tried to save a lot of wild animals in my life,  and I know that most of them die.  I even stopped taking them home after a while, just letting nature take her course.  So I can’t say I was surprised that the owl had died, but I was surprised at how sad it made me.

It was magical to look out my studio window and see an owl sitting on the ground.

And the way her claws gripped my fingers made me feel as if we were connected in a very intimate way.  It was like a dream to have her sit calmly on my hand.  Of course, she was injured otherwise she wouldn’t have stayed there, but it still felt like she trusted me, like I was bringing her some comfort or at least a feeling of safety.

Driving home from Saratoga, Jon suggested we become Wildlife Rehabilitators.

Trish told us it was a matter of taking some classes and a test.  Then we could be the people that rescued injured wildlife and knew how to care for them.

When we got home Fate and Zinnia came with me and I took the owl out into the woods.

I placed her body under the big old Shagbark Hickory.  Even though the owl was no longer in danger and she would most likely become food for someone else,  I felt like the tree would watch over her.

When I got back to the house,  I left a message with the person who trains rehabilitators for North Country Wild Care.

I was actually surprised Jon wanted to become a rehabilitator.

But he too was unusually moved and saddened by our experience with the owl.  Traditionally owls are known as messengers and this is just what Jon saw in this owl.

“I think the owl came here to die”, Jon said, “that she or he was a messenger”.

I believe Jon is right.  Because the idea of us being Wildlife Rehabilitators feels right to me.  Like sinking into an unfulfilled part of myself. And sharing the experience and responsibility with Jon will be another way of opening ourselves up to the natural world around us.

Another way of inviting nature into our lives and becoming one with it.

Beneath The Hay and Worn Out Fabric

We rescued this Victorian chair from the dump a few years ago.  Now she sits in the barn dusty with hay. The way the worn pink fabric hangs from the top of the chair makes it look like she’s wearing a shoulderless dress.

I got up as the sun was rising this morning.  I was feeling low and thought waking up with the sun might help.

Fate and I walked into the woods behind the house.  I wasn’t yet light, but my eyes adjusted and I know the path well enough to follow it.  When we got to the shagbark hickory, Fate ran off towards the field on the edge of the property line and started barking.

On all the walks we’ve ever taken in the woods, Fate has never barked at anything.

When she sees a chipmunk, rabbit, or deer she’ll quietly chase them for a short distance then turn back.

I  called Fate back and she came right away, but it was too dark for me to see what she was barking at.

I know we have a bobcat who travels our woods and bear have a path they follow on the edge of the property. We see and hear lots of evidence of coyotes.   So we stood still a while, waiting, then as I started to walk, Fate again ran in the same direction barking.

This time I called her and we headed back to the farm.  I know any of these animals would try to avoid a human, but I’m not sure how they’d react to a barking dog.

Back home I tossed some hay to the sheep and donkeys and looked at the chair next to the remaining bales of hay.  Tired and worn on the outside, underneath, her frame is still sturdy and strong.

I feel like all the fears and difficulties of the new reality we live in now came crashing down on me last night.

I spent the day trying to pull myself back together.  I don’t have a fraction of the heartache and worries that so many other people have during this time, yet still, it affects me.

My moods, which are always fluid from moment to moment, seem even more erratic.  My anxiety needs a lot of exercise (I did an hour of bellydancing this morning)  and Jon tells me my edge is sharper than usual (to put it nicely).

I think the reality that our lives will be permanently changed because of the coronavirus hit me.   Usually, I’m hopeful about it, thinking of the possibilities of the good changes as well as the bad.  But today the good eluded me.

Maybe this is a stage, like the stages of grieving, that I need to allow myself to feel.  Usually when I drop so low, the next day I feel better, as if I’ve gone as deep as I can and knowing I’ve weathered the worst I move in the opposite direction.

I do believe that, beneath it all, like the old chair in the barn,  I’m sturdy and strong and able to deal with whatever comes my way.  This is a new one though, and it might take some more time and adjusting.

 

 

I Am Responsible For My Life

Shagbark Hickory, Yoni Tree

“How many times”, I thought as I  pushed the shovel into the hard soil of my dahlia garden, “do I have to dig up these memories”.  “How many times”, I thought as I tuned the soil, dropping it from my shovel back into the garden, “do I have to relive these old stories”.

The memories come in the silence of the repetitive work.  The stories, a wearing song that instead of soothing the physical labor, make it worse.

I’ve been drawn to do it, sweating out the stories, trying to understand why those in particular have stayed with me, as if there’s meaning in them I haven’t yet gleaned.

But the repetition becomes a dirge, a whine, that seeps in, settles, like slow poison.

I struggle to relax, to let go.  What could be simpler than to do nothing.

I think of the Mary Oliver’s poem, “Flare”


I bury it in the earth.
I sweep the closets.
I leave the house.

I mention them now,
I will not mention them again.

It is not lack of love
nor lack of sorrow.
But the iron thing they carried, I will not carry.

I give them-one, two, three, four-the kiss of courtesy,
of sweet thanks,
of anger, of good luck in the deep earth.
May they sleep well.  May they soften.

But I will not give them the kiss of complicity.
I will not give them responsibility for my life.”

Full Moon Fiber Art