I was working on a new pillow for the show, not thinking of Father’s Day when memories and feeling of my father, who died over 15 years ago, started to come up, just like that. The feelings were mostly anger and shameful vulnerability.
I thought of Veronica Hallisey’s poem “Bless the Expereince” where she wrote ” For if the experience has been a negative one, has left me with a hurt so deep, has filled me with anger, then I must bless it. For in blessing I remove it’s power to hurt me again.”
Bless it, I thought as I stared at my pillow, it’s meaning changing before my eyes. I blessed the memories, the anger, the fear, my father and myself. I thought of something else Veronica wrote to me just a few days ago, “There is a balance to life’s experiences if we can look at them as worthy, there is so much to learn from them all. ”
And later, when I was sitting behind Jon on the ATV, riding through the woods with Lenore running ahead of us, I thought all of my life’s experiences have brought me to this moment, the good and the bad. And my father, no matter how I may feel about him, is a part of that. So I’ll continue to bless him and work on forgiving him. Knowing that without him I wouldn’t be where I am now. And where I am now is where I’ve always wanted to be. Loved and happy and fulfilled and grateful for my life.
I learned a long time ago, that forgiveness isn’t for the receiver, but for the giver. It’s freeing. Hoping you find it in your heart. And you are so right that each life experience led you to where you are today. Jon often writes about having been through hard times – and I think “through” is the important word here. Sending blessings your way.
Donna
Hi Maria.
Love your statement, “all of my life’s experiences have brought me to this moment, the good and the bad”. That is so true and something that I have come to embrace over the years as well. I can look back and see how if this, that, and the other thing had not happened, I would not be where I am today. I, too, am grateful.
Thank you, Maria, for your powerful words. My father was a gem and I am grateful for my life with him. I do have long anger to resolve with another family member and I will think about what you have written.
Maria, thank you. It was not an easy lesson for me to learn and I still at times need to remind myself. It is part of what makes us human. We are always a work in progress. Thank you again.
Maria, This is beautifully written. Thanks for sharing your feelings about your father and about Blessing the Experience. While I was blessed to have a wonderful father and miss him deeply, I do have a painful relationship with my brother and you saying to “bless the negative feeling, for in doing so, we remove its power to hurt us.
That is what I am going to do. I am tired of thinking about it and rationalizing and playing out make believe scenes between us. I’m going to bless it and then let it go! I don’t know what brought me to this page tonight but I sure am glad I did!
I’m glad too Sheillagh, a way for us all to connect.
I’ve been reading lately about what the holistic healers are saying about Lyme and Mold recovery. They all say in order to get well, that deep seated emotional issues must be addressed. I think a lot of daughters have had issues with their dads. I know I did, so I understand where you are coming from when it comes to past relationships with a father. I watched a program on Daystar called In Touch with Dr. Charles Stanley. He discussed deep seated anger and explained how we could take it off like a suit. I missed his program on Baggage, that was on Father’s Day. I have a lot of anger, so each time something related to anger comes up. I imagine that anger and the person associated with it as a garmet, so I take it off and toss it away.
Nice idea CS
Your posts, especially ones like this one, help me grow, Maria. And I am grateful. Many thanks.
Oh Maria! Life IS Good! Much love to you!
Maria, Thank you for such a sweet and gentle reminder that by blessing all things, we open ourselves up to the universe and all good things that are possible!
I’m on this path, too…. it’s not easy, but(strangely) my life is more peaceful just from *working on* letting go of the anger. Lovely post, lovely pillow. Blessings and peace of mind to you.
I think that’s true Kelly, the “work” really works
You have such a way with words, Maria! So talented in so many ways.
I have experienced many traumas in my life and made a lot of bad decisions. I have also experienced great joys and been wise. I learned a long time ago that I am the sum of all of my experiences, the good and the bad (and the ugly, too, I suppose).
Everything that has happened to me has delivered me to this day.
What I continue to struggle with is the letting go of anger. It is getting easier as I age. One concept that has made a big difference for me is that of “the monkey trap”. A monkey will reach inside a cage for a banana but can not get his clenched fist back through the bars. The monkey won’t let go of the fruit and thus is trapped. If the monkey would just open his fist, his hand would slip back through the bars and he would be free. This simple concept has been freeing for me, as I now can make a conscious decision to let go and free myself.
Sorry to be so long. 🙂
Thanks Holly a good image to remember
Beautiful Maria…you are Beautiful…
This helped! Thanks
A few years ago during a Buddhist retreat, I came to the realization that if my parents had been supportive and nurturing of my true self (they weren’t abusive, but both were very self-absorbed), then I likely would not have gone searching and found my way into following a spiritual path through life. And that was the key for me to being able to see their suffering with compassion and to feel sad rather than angry at them. And from there, to be able to see that part of their path of struggle was to facilitate my finding my way to the teachings that allow one to make the most of this precious human life. Difficulties and struggles often serve a higher purpose . . .
Thanks, Maria. I find that I have to do a lot of garmet tossing. Nearly on a daily basis.