I was working on a new pillow for the show, not thinking of Father’s Day when memories and feeling of my father, who died over 15 years ago, started to come up, just like that. The feelings were mostly anger and shameful vulnerability.
I thought of Veronica Hallisey’s poem “Bless the Expereince” where she wrote ” For if the experience has been a negative one, has left me with a hurt so deep, has filled me with anger, then I must bless it. For in blessing I remove it’s power to hurt me again.”
Bless it, I thought as I stared at my pillow, it’s meaning changing before my eyes. I blessed the memories, the anger, the fear, my father and myself. I thought of something else Veronica wrote to me just a few days ago, “There is a balance to life’s experiences if we can look at them as worthy, there is so much to learn from them all. ”
And later, when I was sitting behind Jon on the ATV, riding through the woods with Lenore running ahead of us, I thought all of my life’s experiences have brought me to this moment, the good and the bad. And my father, no matter how I may feel about him, is a part of that. So I’ll continue to bless him and work on forgiving him. Knowing that without him I wouldn’t be where I am now. And where I am now is where I’ve always wanted to be. Loved and happy and fulfilled and grateful for my life.