I climbed the eight foot ladder and took down the brass curtain rod with the quilt hanging from it. There last time I touched the top of this quilt was when I was on a different ladder hanging it up. That was about eight years ago, now there was a layer of dust on the top edge. I left the quilt on the wall when we moved to the New Bedlam Farm, knowing it would be easier to get when the room was empty.
Every once in a while we go back to the Old Bedlam Farm to check on it and take home some of the things we left there. Today I got a movable orange mesh fence ( I plan to put it around the blueberry bushes in the pasture, to try and keep the donkeys and sheep from eating them) some grass seed, a mirror from an old carousel, a bag of garbage and the quilt.
When Jon and I were just friends and he offered me the use of the old appliance shop as a studio, at the Old Bedlam Farm, I was nervous and excited. I had just stated weaving after not making art for a many years. As much as I had no idea what I would make or do in the studio, I knew it was too good an opportunity to pass up. And, as a friend told me, if it didn’t work out, I could just leave. I wouldn’t take it for free, so we worked out a deal where I would feed the animals on the weekends. I also wove Jon a rag rug and made him a quilt.
But it did work out, in a way I never could have imagined. And now, when ever we go back to the Old Bedlam Farm, all those memories come back to me. And even though it’s less than 10 years from the time I met Jon at Bedlam Farm to the time we moved last year, so much happened in those years, so much changed for me, that it feels like a lifetime of memories. And it’s not that I don’t want to remember, or that the memories are bad, but I feel like I’m not in control of them when I’m there. It’s almost like an assault, they just flood through me leaving me feeling vulnerable and drained.
I would rather not go back. I don’t like going back, I would rather be where I am. So, as if it were an antidote to the memories, when we got home, we planted two locust trees in the side yard and two starter trays of seeds that we’ll plant in our new garden. And I washed the quilt that was hanging on the wall and now it’s draped over the back of the couch, ready to keep us warm.
The circle is complete….bringing that although back for it to take on its new life feels like the right thing to do, I”ll bet. I wish I had your instinct not to look back…but I am a writer, and looking back is part of my craft.
I understand that Tara, and admire it.
And you’ve got a really nice blog Tara, love the blue bottle photo.
I love the rag rug.
Why did you stop making them?
Not enough time Jill, someday I hope to weave again, I do love doing it.
I’m happy too that it worked out.
And a special rug and quilt to hold on to.
Seems like a great beginning. Look where you are now! Besides a great quilt, and rug with beautiful memories connected to them.
Interesting that you also are a weaver. The rug feels like Jon, calm with earth and the sky in it. And the red line in the rug was the beginning of love?
Take care
Ida
Perhaps Ida.
Maria, do you foresee more weaving in your future? This is a lovely rug.
I gave my loom away Lois, I haven’t used it in years as much as I love to weave. I just don’t have time for it all.
Dear Maria, You wring your heart inside out for us!!! Thank you so much for what you write, because you put into beautiful words things I feel but cannot express. Annie
I understand that feeling very well.
Maria, there is no end to your talent. What a beautiful rag rug. If you ever go back into weaving, I’d love to buy a rug from you.
Henry, my youngest Sheltie, ate all of our rugs. He just pulls threads or string or rag pieces out piece by piece. I think he is anxious and needs more to do. He is the neediest of all of my dogs. He is extremely sensitive to noise; hates the microwave, oven, pots, pans and all of the things in the kitchen that come in boxes such as Saran wrap and aluminum foil. He watches the TV, and doesn’t like loud noise and quick movement. He’d probably do well with a sheep as my vet says he has the strongest herding instinct of any dog I’ve ever had. He watches me all the time and gets upset when I leave the house. Strange as he may be, I love him to death.
Henry sounds like a handful. Of course you live him to death.
That quilt is beautiful ~ all those wonderful textures. I’ve always wished I could learn how to weave ~ the things that come from looms are so beautiful. Maybe someday you’ll do it again and offer classes ….
I’m sure it’s hard to go back to the old farm as much as you and Jon loved it. You’ll be able to deal with it better once it sells and someone else is making memories there ~ you certainly have a delightful new farm to love!
It will be easier when someone else is living on the farm Candy. I look forward to it having a new life once again.
Lovely rag rug and quilt! I understand your rush of feeling when you go back to BF. I get the same feeling when I return to Brae Burn. No looking back.