I climbed the eight foot ladder and took down the brass curtain rod with the quilt hanging from it. There last time I touched the top of this quilt was when I was on a different ladder hanging it up. That was about eight years ago, now there was a layer of dust on the top edge. I left the quilt on the wall when we moved to the New Bedlam Farm, knowing it would be easier to get when the room was empty.
Every once in a while we go back to the Old Bedlam Farm to check on it and take home some of the things we left there. Today I got a movable orange mesh fence ( I plan to put it around the blueberry bushes in the pasture, to try and keep the donkeys and sheep from eating them) some grass seed, a mirror from an old carousel, a bag of garbage and the quilt.
When Jon and I were just friends and he offered me the use of the old appliance shop as a studio, at the Old Bedlam Farm, I was nervous and excited. I had just stated weaving after not making art for a many years. As much as I had no idea what I would make or do in the studio, I knew it was too good an opportunity to pass up. And, as a friend told me, if it didn’t work out, I could just leave. I wouldn’t take it for free, so we worked out a deal where I would feed the animals on the weekends. I also wove Jon a rag rug and made him a quilt.
But it did work out, in a way I never could have imagined. And now, when ever we go back to the Old Bedlam Farm, all those memories come back to me. And even though it’s less than 10 years from the time I met Jon at Bedlam Farm to the time we moved last year, so much happened in those years, so much changed for me, that it feels like a lifetime of memories. And it’s not that I don’t want to remember, or that the memories are bad, but I feel like I’m not in control of them when I’m there. It’s almost like an assault, they just flood through me leaving me feeling vulnerable and drained.
I would rather not go back. I don’t like going back, I would rather be where I am. So, as if it were an antidote to the memories, when we got home, we planted two locust trees in the side yard and two starter trays of seeds that we’ll plant in our new garden. And I washed the quilt that was hanging on the wall and now it’s draped over the back of the couch, ready to keep us warm.