Search Results for: Lenore

By now, you all know that Lenore died last night. Did she have any idea how many lives she touched?  I’m only becoming aware of it by looking at Jon’s facebook page.  I know what she did for me and  now I see that her love had such a far reach.  I think how wonderful it is that Jon was able to capture her essence in his writing and pictures and share her with the world.  How wonderful for all of us.

And I’m sad, so sad too.  We had a special connection me and Lenore.  The way we walked through the woods together, both of us finding the wild parts inside of ourselves. Aware of each other always, as if connected by an invisible thread, but each in our own world too.  Each taking from the woods what they had to offer us.  I will miss my companion of the woods.

And I have to admit, I thought someday, when Frieda finally left us, Leonore would become my studio dog.  So she would not only walk with me in the woods and  ride with me in my car,  but she would accompany me to my studio too.  It just seemed like it would be the natural progression of things.  But when does life and death conform to our sense of order.

I think when we’re authentic and  true to ourselves our spirit, our essence precedes us.  Animals can’t be anything but true.  And the joy that emanated from Lenore, was Lenore, is Lenore.  When we sat on the floor of the animal hospital last night, Jon holding Lenore, his head resting in my lap, her tail was thumping as they put the needle in her leg.  And when her heart stopped beating I felt her spirit, it lingered over her body for just a few seconds, and I looked at the space it occupied and smiled.  I actually smiled.  Because I was feeling what was there and it was pure happiness.  The space itself seemed to shimmer, like heat in the air above a fire,  with tiny, soft twinklings  of pinks and greens.  I can still feel it now and the joy of it makes me cry.

I’ve never seen Jon so moved by the death of one of our animals.  He cried for Lenore like I’ve never seen him cry. He even accused me of being happy to see him cry.  But I told him I was happy that he could cry, not that he was crying.  The depth of feeling was so powerful, it made me see their connection in a new light. Lenore always brought out the silliness in Jon, in the way he would sing to her and the songs he would make up about her.  Be she also came into his life at a time when he was at a divide.  He could have shut down his emotions or opened them up.  He always said Lenore kept his heart open, brought out the love inside of him.

Yesterday I thanked Lenore for keeping that love alive so when I came along Jon was open to loving me.  I remember when Jon first got Lenore.  We were just friends then, both married to different people, he brought her into my studio at Old Bedlam Farm.  She ran around my floor chasing scraps of fabric and we called her name again and again so she would get to know it. Lenore was there from even before the beginning of me and Jon.  Or who knows, maybe that was the beginning.

Because of Jon’s writing, Lenore will live on.  But she’s gone from our lives in a very real way.  So I miss her and I cry and I smile.  And I’m grateful for what she did for me and Jon and everyone else out there who loves her.

When Jon was in the hospital last summer, waiting to have his open heart surgery, I found a place inside myself to be.  With all the unknowns  that go along with such a procedure, I decided I was not going to allow my imagination to go wild with the possibilities of  “what if” .  I gathered as much information as  there was and didn’t let my mind wander beyond the moment.   I kept telling myself, this is what I know and I refused to entertain the unknowns, I stayed in the moment. Because I know what my mind will do if unleashed, and the rest of me has been known to follow it down some deep dark holes.

The chances of Jon coming out of his surgery healthier than when he went in  were really good, so I kept that in the front of my mind and heart.   But I also kept a small open door, in that space inside of me,  for the unpredictable.  I was not Pollyannaish, but reasonably optimistic.  I’m sure I pushed a lot of  my emotions aside, not with my interactions with Jon, but with everything else, just to be able to deal from hour to hour, day to day.

I learned that this worked for me.  I was able to do what I had to do without denying what was really happening.

This morning when Jon came home from the Vet with Lenore, it turns out we’re in a waiting period.  Waiting to see if the anti-inflammatories will work, if her pain lessens,that would mean what she has is most likely treatable.  If they don’t work, and quickly, it means that what’s going on with her is much more serious.  And although her diagnosis isn’t as hopeful as I would like, I’m staying in the moment with it all.  Right now, we’re waiting to see what happens next.   I don’t have to go anyplace else but where we are right now. And that small open door is hovering in the background, but there’s be enough time to go through it if and when it comes to that.

Right now Lenore is resting comfortably on the living room floor.  And that’s good, she hasn’t been this easy in days.   I brought her bed over for her, but when she didn’t lay on it, Frieda snatched it up.   Makes it feel like things are almost normal.

Snowstorm…..School closed…..Round House Cafe closed.  This all matters because Mandy and Athena and I couldn’t have our regular weekly business lunch.  Athena was snowed in, but Mandy was at work.   Seems even a snowstorm won’t stop her clients from getting a Massage.

So I picked up some soup and dog biscuits from the Cambridge Co-0p and Lenore and I had lunch with Mandy in her Studio.  When Mandy patted the couch Lenore jumped up as if she did this everyday.  Every once in a while I gave her a biscuit, otherwise she was happy to lounge around while we ate and talked.

My connection with Lenore is growing deeper.  We spend more and more time together, going for walks in the woods and now, when she hears the snap of my eye-glass case she comes running, tail wagging.  She knows I’m headed for my car and eager to come along for the ride.  I think she must notice the difference too because now, sometimes when I’m working in the house, she’ll come and sit next to me.  Something she never did before.

Like those sporadic fireworks that people set off the week before the Fourth of July, the gun fire  in Washington County gets more frequent just before hunting season starts.  So there’s always some warning for people like me who know it’s coming but aren’t exactly sure when.   When I heard the gun shots in the distance as I loaded the donkey feeder with hay this morning, I was reminded that this is the first weekend of hunting season.

What hunting season means to me is that for about two weeks I won’t be taking walks in the woods.  Jon and I will be walking the dogs on the road.   Some people won’t even do that without an orange vest and hat during hunting season, but I choose to be paranoid about other things in my life (like not leaving my closet door open at night, you never know what light sensitive creature might be hiding in there) and take my chances on the road.   It also means Lenore and I won’t be taking our hikes together in the woods behind the house.

These hikes have become something special to me.  Lenore, who has the appropriate reputation of being the Love Dog, a cute and cuddly, food focused,  not so bright Lab, becomes a different dog on our walks together.

In the woods, when it’s just me and Lenore, she becomes my spirit dog.  We connect in a way I haven’t seen her connect with anyone else.    She doesn’t want to lick the backs of my knees (like she is constantly doing in the house) or chase a ball or look for a treat.  She doesn’t follow me or walk at my side.  She becomes her own dog, a wilder dog.   No longer the Love Dog  she wanders the woods, within sight or at least hearing of me and does what she does.  And I don’t really know what she’s doing, but it feels to me likes she’s in her most natural state.  Running, sniffing, eating she becomes a chronicler of the woods. Taking it all in, getting to know it as only she can.

On these walks it’s as if we’re walking together but in our own worlds.  Experiencing the same thing in completely different ways. It’s as if there’s a thin spider web between us, keeping us connected.    We walk  with the confidence that the other will never be far way. If I stop for longer than a few minutes she waits for me. But she waits  at a distance, she doesn’t snuggle or even want a reinforcing scratch behind the ears.  She seems more serious, focused and driven.

And there’s a level of trust I have with Lenore on these walks that I haven’t had with any other dog.   My solitary walks in the woods have always been healing and expanding to me.   if I had to worry about her running off  or making demands of me, it wouldn’t work.  But somehow Lenore seems to know exactly what I need.  And I trust that she’ll know.

Lenore enters into my walks like a spirit making my connection to the woods deeper,  as if she’s the link between me and nature.     It’s as if we both understand what it is we’re there to do.  To have the freedom to wander, stop and go as we please, to get to know the woods around us and to become a part of it for just a little while.

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While Frieda is off barking at someone riding by on a bike, Lenore and Red are interested only in the back door.  They sit watching and waiting for Jon to let them in the house.   Red only wants to be outside if Jon or the sheep are with him and Lenore would rather be resting on  her couch in Jon’s office.

A couple of weeks ago I transplanted a bunch of Hostas and Lilies of the Valley into a small shade garden by the back door of our house.  The next day, I noticed in one spot the ferns and Lily of Valley were flattened as if someone had laid or walked on them.  I suspected Lenore, but Jon insisted it was Frieda.  (She’d the kind of dog that gets blamed for everything and with good reason).   A few days later there was a hole in the ground in the same spot.  Someone was digging.  All this time I wasn’t able to catch any of the dogs in the act, but just now I walked out the back door and there was Lenore, innocently looking up at me though the Hosta leaves.  Innocent, because she has no sense that she’s doing something wrong.  She’s just resting in the cool damp soil.  I thought of putting big rocks where she was laying, (we have plenty of rocks in Washington County) but then she would just flatten out another part of the garden.  So I think I’ll move what’s left of the plants that are there and let Lenore have her garden bed.

I got 8 potholders out of Red and Lenore’s bandana’s from their last visit to the groomer.    They It’s all the red and white polka dots.   I’ll drop these off at Kim’s on Monday to assemble then I’ll finish them off next week.  Three are already sold, so there’s 5 left.  The potholders are Sold Out.    If you’re interested in any, they’re $15 + $4 shipping for one, $5 for  two or more.   Just email me here or at [email protected]

When ever the dogs get groomed they each come home wearing a bandanna.  They don’t stay on the dogs long. I throw them in the wash and they become material for my work.  Last time Lenore and Frieda went to be groomed (it was  Frieda’s second time to be groomed.  I led her up the ramp into the bathtub before I left.  She sat in the tub looking pathetic,big brown eyes, ears flat against her head, her shoulders slumped,  not the tough watchdog of her image.  When I picked her up, the groomer, Eileen said she did fine)  and both came home with great potholder material. Lenore was wearing pink hearts and peace signs and Frieda had pink and green butterflies.

Last week I cut up those bandannas and made them into potholders and now they’re for sale.  sold out I have 5 Love and Peace Potholders (Lenore’s bandanna) :

And 7 Butterfly Potholders (Frieda’s bandanna) : Sold

and one with both: Sold

My Bandanna Potholders are $15 each  (+ $4 shipping for one and $5 shipping for 2 or more).  I take checks or can email you a paypal invoice.  If you’re interested you can email me here or at [email protected].  And don’t forget to let me know which kind you would like.

Wishing you all Peace, Love and Butterflies….